How to Annoy Your Vampire Family EMMETT STYLE!
by Krb13
Summary: Okay, you can probably guess what this is about just by the title. But if not. Okay so this is about Emmett annoying his family Bella's a vamp too in weird ways. And sometimes he can be totally random like me SO GET READING! AND REVIEW PLEASE!
1. POKEPOKE

**Okay so this is called(Pause for dramatic pause) HOW TO ANNOY YOU VAMPIRE FAMILY. EMMETT STYLE!**

**Any way the summery is practically the title. Should be fun!**

_1. Poke them until they scream!_

Poke...Poke...Poke...

"Emmett will you please stop poking me dear?" Esme asked sweetly, but yet with an edge that said knock it off.

"Fine." I huffed dramatically.

Poke...Poke...Poke...

"Emmett..." I stopped poking her for five minutes. She just shook her head at me.

Poke...Poke...Pok-

"Emmett, dear, why are you poking me?" She asked getting annoyed.

"Because it's fun!" I said. She shook her head again.

Poke...Poke. Poke. Pokepokepokepokepoke!

"Emmett! Knock it off!" She said firmly.

"Fine." I said.

Five minutes later.

Pokepokepokepokepokepoke!

"EMMETT KNOCK OFF THE POKING! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT?!" She yelled poking me. Very hard too.

"Fine. I'll go bug Edward." I said getting up.

Poke!

"EMMETT!" She yelled/growled at me. I ran upstairs to Rose and my room.

**Haha. I do this all the time to my mom! It's quite fun to see their reactions.**

**Any way's Like it? Hate it? **

**Review. Just press the button. It's not hard. Go on! **

**Why are you still reading this?! YOU SHOULD BE REVIEWING!!**


	2. V8's

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!!**

_2. Slap their foreheads and yell 'should've had a V-8._

I ran up into Edward and Bella's room. Bella was dragged shopping with Alice. He looked up at me when I waltzed in. "What do you want Emmett?" He asked. He sounded ornery. _Nothing. _I thought to him. "Can't I hang out with my brother?" I asked, while he rolled his eyes.

I plopped down on his black leather couch next to him. He closed his eyes, probably thinking to himself. I reached my hand out and slapped him in his forehead. "Should've had a V-8!!"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just do that." He growled again. I listened to the song that was playing. It was 1973 by James Blunt. It ended after like 30 seconds. Then Shawty Get Loose by Lil' Mama, T- Pain, and Chris Brown came on. WTF?! Since when did Edward listen to this?!

"Since Bella made the disc." He answered my thoughts. I nodded my head and listened to the song. I slowly reached my hand at Edward. I finally smacked him on his forehead and yelled 'Should've had a V-8'. He just glared at me. I looked around me and pointed to myself. "You think I did that?" I asked in a too innocent voice. Once again I got the eye roll. I rolled mine right back.

Swing Life Away came on. It's by Rise Against.

_Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?  
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?  
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?_

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first  
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse  
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,  
We get by just fine here on minimum wage  
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,  
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I moved at vampire speed and smacked him on the forehead again. He turned his head to glare at me again. _Stick it in your juice box, and suck it._ I thought to him. He almost started cracking up.

"Where did you hear that?"

"From Bella. She told me it one day, I think she found it off the internet." I told him.

_I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move  
The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon  
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow_

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know  
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world  
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away,  
We get by just fine here on minimum wage  
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,  
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand...until you hold my hand

You know what, I'm glad Bella burned this song. It's a good song.

"Yea, it is quite good." I smacked him in the forehead.

"Should've had a V-8"

"Emmett." He growled at me.

"Um...It's not me. I swear. It's the little invisible leprechaun. Who's 2 feet tall, and has a mowhawk. A pink mowhawk."

"Okay...You want me to beleave that there is an invisible leprechaun, who is 2 feet tall and has a pink mowhawk, is running around hitting me in the forehead and saying should've had a V-8?" He asked.

"Why else would I tell you?" I said in the 'Duh' tone. He just narrowed his eyes at me.

_I'll show you mine if you show me yours first  
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse  
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words_

We live on front porches and swing life away,  
We get by just fine here on minimum wage  
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,  
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

Swing life away

_Swing life away_

_Swing life away_

_Swing life away_

Smack! "Should've had a V-8."

"God damn it Emmett. First off. KNOCK IT OFF!! Second. I CAN'T DRINK A V-8 I'M A VAMPIRE!!THIRD. THERE IS NO PINK MOWHAWK, 2 FOOT, INVISIBLE LEPRECHAUN RUNNING AROUND HERE!! UNLESS YOU ARE A LEPRECHAUN! NOW GET OUT!" He screamed at me. I ran to our room laughing so hard that I probably looked like Bella when she ran, before she was changed.

**Good? Or bad? Okay, I know the song Shawty Get Loose doesn't sound like something Bella would listen too, but deal with it. I like the song. Okay the Leprechaun thing was a dream of mine. So haha. Yea. Hope you like it. I do take requests!!**

**Peace, C.**


	3. Pink Hair Dye! OMG

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!!**

_3. Dye a family members hair bright pink!!_

I was sitting in Rosalie and my room, when there was a knock at the door. "Come in." I called Jasper walked in. "What's up?"

"I am bored out of my mind!!" He yelled to the sky, and plopped down on the couch in black couch in our room. We had red walls and black furniture. A whole wall was filled with movies, and different games. We also had a humongo screen t.v. in there.

"Well what do you want to do?" He looked at me with a smirk.

"Paint balls!" I chuckled under my breath.

"Fine. Let's go!!" I yelled jumping up from the couch and running out to the garage and grabbing the guns and got into the jeep. Jasper was there a few seconds before me. I started the jeep.

After about 15 minutes we were in the same clearing we trained for, for the war with the newborns. We put the balls into the container thing. I shot one for practice at him. It hit him in the chest. "Hey!" I smirked at him. He shot me in the face. I wiped some of the paint off with my hand. Sure I'm sure both of us would be bleeding if we were human, but this is the fun of being vampires.

**_ONE HOUR LATER_**

Jasper was downstairs talking to Bella, Alice, and Rosalie. Hehe, he's the one who got caught being all full of paint and coming in. Anyway that's beside the point, right now I'm filling his shampoo up with bright pink hair dye. Dude! I can't wait to see him. Oh, and it's not permanent. I would be dead if it was. I heard him come up the stairs. I quickly threw the stuff out the small window in the bathroom and ran out into the room. I pretended to look like I was looking for something. I made it look like I was looking really hard for it to. "Emmett, what are you doing?" I made a huff.

"I'm looking for my invisible, 2 foot tall, pink mowhawk, leprechaun! I can't find him anywhere! Maybe Alice saw him go somewhere. See ya." I said walking out. I heard him mutter something about putting me in a mental instatution. I chuckled slightly. What, can't I have my fun?

I ran down the stairs. Alice was glaring at me, but yet trying not to laugh. "Just admit it Alice, you know this is going to be funny." I said to her. She burst out laughing.

"Yea, it will be. Oh and you're going to get your ass kick." She said getting up, she ran upstairs. Bella and Rose were looking very confused. 'You'll see." I mouthed to them, they just nodded. A second after I mouthed that we heard a manlyish but girly scream. Jasper came running down, in a towel fumming.

"YOU!" He yelled pointing at me. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY? WHY MY HAIR. I MEAN BELLA WOULD BE WAY BETTER!"

"HEY! I resent that!" She yelled to him. His hair was still wet so it didn't look right yet.

"Oh boo-hoo Bella." He growled at her. Stalking toward the stairs. I can't wait 'til later tonight. Then I get to see it dry!

**Hey people. Okay so this is Part 1 of the hair dye one! Tell me if it was good. Or if it sucked. Okay so I know Jasper would probably never really yell like that or snap that bad at someone. But, how would you act? Hmm? Lol.**

**Peace, love, harmony, DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?!**

**Cassie**


	4. THE DEVIL

**Disclaimer: Cassie doesn't-**

**DO TOO! STOP TELLING THEM LIES!!**

**Cassie-**

**I SAID STOP!**

**Don't make me get the big needle!**

**Fine. I don't own Twilight.**

**Okay so I can't think of what the number thing yet so this time it will be at the end of the chapter.**

"Emmett. I have chosen to start talking to you again."

"Yay! No more silence from Jasper!"

"Okay...Only because I want to know why you're dragging my wife into the basement."

"No reason." I said, pulling Alice down faster.

"OW! Emmett GOD!! Could you be more gentle!!"

"You're a vampire Alice. Things don't hurt." She was quiet for a minute.

"So. It doesn't mean you could be more gentle. I may not be human, but I do have feelings. Now what are you doing with me?"

"All in good time my sister. All in good time!" I started laughing like a maniac. I creeped myself out. Note to self:Never laugh evilly. It is scary. I shuddered slightly to myself.

"Emmett. You made sure not to shut the door right?" Um.

"Um. Yes?" Her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "Why?"

"That door, isn't unlocked." I shrugged.

"We're locked down here!!" I shrugged again.

"We're locked down here together. With nothing to do...I'm going to die. I should start writing my will. Don't come over here." She said, walking over to the only window, magically fishing out a pen and paper from her back pocket.

"We have nothing to worry about. We can just break down the door, Alice."

"Yes, then Esme will kill us." Shit. She's right. If Esme found out something happened to this house, she'd kill us.

"Maybe we could call someone. Then they can unlock the door." I asked.

"I don't have my phone on me. Do you have yours?" I patted my pockets. No phone. I shook my head. She sat there scribbling at the page. I wonder, if only I survive will I get anything from her. If I survive, I will make sure to give her a proper burial.

_\ . It's been 8 hours since Emmett McCarty Cullen and Mary Alice Brandon Cullen have got lock down in that dreaded basement. Let's go catch up on them._

"Alice, please can I see your will. I might have to read it one day to everyone!" She looked up with wide eyes.

"I refuse to die down here. No! You can't see it!"

"But, whyyy?!"

"Because!" I stuck my tongue out at her.

"You don't have to be a BUTTMUNCHER Alice! You could just be nice and let me see it!"

"I am not a buttmuncher!!" She yelled. She stood up, a second later we were having a staring contest. Out of no where she jumped at me. I flew into a pile of empty boxes. I hopped up throwing a chair at her. It smacked into her.

"HEY!" She yelled magically producing a roll of duck tape. **(When I first wrote that I put dick tape. lol.) **In about 5 seconds I was taped to the same chair I threw at her. She was standing next to me with her hands on her hips. Behind her you could see 7 empty rolls of what used to be duck tape. She dug threw her purse for a second, coming out with a light pink lip gloss. My mouth hit the floor. "Good. It will make it easier to put it on." She said. I quickly snapped my mouth shut.

She stalked towards me. Trying to put the lip gloss on. "Stop moving Emmett. Your making me get it all on your face. UGH! It went up your nose! There. It's all on. Now, PINK EYE SHADOW!" She said while holding up the container. "But first, eye liner."

"OUCH ALICE! You stabbed me in the EYE!"

"Opps. Just blink a couple of times." She then applied the pink eye shadow. Then the stuff that goes on your eye lashes.**(Mascara). **Then she put bronzer on. "There I beautified you. Know let's see." She said walking deeper into the huge basement.

"Alice? Alice?! ALICE!" I called after her. All of a sudden she was in my face, holding up a dress. Guess who's size too? Mine. It was black and it was short. It had a pink ribbon going around the waist, going down to the bottom of the dress. It lined the bottom of the dress. It was also strapless. **(On my profile.) **"NO WAY ALICE! I let you do my makeup. But I draw the line at the dress. Where did you even _find _that?" She just shrugged her shoulders.

"Just put the dress on Emmett. It's cute."

"Yea, cute for you, or Bella, or Rosalie. NOT FOR ME!"

"Emmett just put it on!"

"NO!"

"PUT THE DAMN DRESS ON EMMETT!"

"BITE ME!"

"I SWEAR I WILL EMMETT! PUT IT ON!" The door then swung open, there stood Bella, Esme, Rosalie, Carlisle, Edward, and Jasper. They all burst out laughing. Bella tried to walk down the stairs, failing, because she was laughing. She slid down all of them. Which caused all of us to laugh. Or laugh harder. She stood up and walked over to me. "Now you know how it feels." She said while untieing me.

"Alice is the devil."

_So I learned today. Never, make Alice mad. Or kidnap her. It will always turn out bad...And from now on, try and save Bella from the devil. AKA:Alice._

**Okay not my best work, but I couldn't let you wait to long. So review and yada yada yada. OMG I'VE LISTEN TO THE SAME SONG FOR THE 5 TIMR IN LIKE 20 MINUTES!!So anyway reviews will earn faster chapters. OH and I take requests!**

**peace C.**


	5. YETI!

**Okay I'm just going to come out and say it. I GET LOT'S OF HITS AND ALERTS BUT NOBODY REVIEWS!! WHY?? I mean, sure I like when I make onto a favorite story or story alert list, but everyone knows people love the reviews. SO PLEASE just review!!**

**Disclaimer:Why do you make me say it. I mean, it's a hit on my self esteem. But, I have to, cuz I would be in SO much trouble if I was sued. Which makes me wonder, how? I mean, you don't know where I live, so how could you sue me?? Do you like hack my computer? Stalkers! Okay so, I don't own Twilight. That is all owned by Stephenie Meyer. Okay, I am going to end this disclaimer, cuz it is the longest I have ever seen! SO ON TO THE STORY!**

_5. Dress up in a special suit. Then, scare a family member._

I heard a crash behind me. I spun around and shushed her. "I didn't mean too!" She whisper/yelled back.**(I really hope you know what that is!)**

"Yuhuh! You knocked it over!"

"I did not! It was...The...fairy!"

"We don't own a fairy, Bella." I said in a scolding tone, trying not to start laughing.

"We should." I heard her mutter under her breath. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I burst out laughing. She flinched back from the sound, probably because I was laughing really loudly in her ear.

"Oh so I'm the one who's supposed to be quiet."I was immediately quiet. "What are we doing anyways? And why are we dressed up like spies?"

"You'll see when we get there! Now come on!" I said to her running as quietly as possible down the hall. I ran into Rose and my room. I quickly put on a suit over my spy outfit. Also pulling on a mask. I heard Bella running down the hall to my room. I stood against the wall, beside the door. She opened the door slowly. Not seeing me. I stepped out behind her. I lightly tapped her on her shoulder. She whipped around.

"AHHH! MONSTER!!" She yelled. Partly right. I mean, I am a vampire. I took the mask off.

"Great googly Emmett!" She yelled. I started to giggle. "Why the hell are you wearing a yeti suit?"

"Because..." I replied.

"There was no point in needing me was there? You just said you needed me so you could scare me." She accused.

"Pretty much yea." I said with a nod.

"Then what is up with the spy suits?"

"I don't know. I just go them 'cuz they looked cool." She rolled her eyes at me and walked downstairs. I followed her down. When I got to the bottom the door opened. There stood my whole family. They all looked very confused.

"Emmett you know it's not Halloween? Right?" Jasper asked.

"I know. And if it was Halloween, I'd dress up as a vampire with Bella." I said in the 'duh' tone.

"Emmett, would you mind telling us why you are wearing a yeti suit?" Carlisle asked.

"Because..." I said like a four-year-old. They all just gave me weird looks. Jasper came over to me and patted me awkwardly on the back.

**So, if you were thinking any thing gross when you read 'Special suit' then EWW! I mean come on. lol. And this idea came here sitting at my computer. I was thinking for some reason about a yeti. I know weird right? Anyways please review! Criticize!! I can take it. Just don't be too mean. **

**With love, the one and only CassieRae!!**

**Or C.**

**Or Cassie.**

**But that doesn't matter!!**


	6. It doesn't work!

**DOES NOBODY LIKE MY STORY?!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Of course you could think I do, but I don't.**

_6. Never take Carlisle's medical stuff._

I snuck slowly into Carlisle's office. I opened the door a crack, and looked through the hole. He wasn't in there. I walked on my tip-toes to his desk. I took his medical bag and ran downstairs. I sat down on the sofa. I opened the bag and took out the stethoscope. I put the ear things in my ears and held the other part to my heart. I couldn't hear anything, so I threw it across the room. "I'd rather use the scalpel anyways." I grumbled.

I took the scalpel out and looked at the tip. "We should keep these away from Jasper. Especially sense the hair dye hasn't come out yet." I said to myself. **(okay I had to put that in there. Cuz almost everbody thinks that he is emo) **I ran out into Bella's room and started to carve onto the wall, 'Edward -hearts- Bella'. **(the -hearts- is supposed to be a heart.) **I laughed my evil laugh. Creeping myself out once again. Why do I never listen to my note-to-self's?

I ran back downstairs and over to the bag. I dug through it. I found a needle thing. I poked it to my arm. It broke. :( -sniffle-. "Poor little needle." I said out loud. I took out another one. I threw it at the wall. It stuck perfectly. I giggled. Then I threw 6 more at the wall, but got bored.

I dug through the bag again, coming out with one of those planner/computery thingy's. OOOOOOH! I can set a banner. I went to the setting thing and typed in 'Carlisle loves Emmett. Not Edward!' I heard a door open and I spun around. Hiding the planner thing behind my back. "Oh! Hey guy's. What's up?" I asked innocently.

"Emmett. Why are there needle's stuck in the wall?" Carlisle asked.

"No paticular reason." I said. I sat rocking on my heels.

"And why is my stethoscope over by the fire place?" He asked. **(Do they have a fire place. If not, just pretend they got one!)**

"I donno?" I said as a question. Dropping the planner onto the couch. I quickly ran upstairs to my room. But before I got there I heard a loud 'EMMETT!'. Not used to that coming out of Carlisle, let me tell you that.

**Insperation:Donno!**

**So was it good, bad, okay. Rate it, 1-10...Be critical, okay.**

**So how are my readers? I'm pretty good. lol. **

**With love,**

**Cassie**


	7. READ THIS

**READ THIS!!**

**I am SUPER sorry to say this...It may take me a while to update my stories. My reasons are...**

**1. My sister graduates this Satuarday.**

**2. Her party is in two weeks.**

**3. I have softball now.**

**4. I have exams soon.**

**I hope to have a chapter up before her party and my exams. I am really sorry about this also. **

**Cassie**


	8. Rosalie

**DOES NOBODY LIKE MY STORY?!**

**Disclaimer: I AM THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY, NOT TWILIGHT!! THAT BELONGS TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

_7. Get rid of Rosalie's BMW...DUN DUN DUN!!_

I drove to the dealer ship in Rosalie's BMW. I wanted to get her a new car. A nicer one. So I was going to go trade it in. I was going at the speed of LIGHT!! MWAHAHAH -cough hack cough-...Never again. Okay so really the speed is like 248 not LIGHT!! I was going to Seatle where the good cars are. I arrived fashionably late, and parked the car. A sales person looked at me, seeing me get out of my car, and came over. "Hello!" He said excitedly.

"Hey."

"Can I help you with anything?" He said excitedly. Reminded me of Alice...Creepy...

"Um. No. Not really." I said walking off. I searched for the perfect car.

2 hours later

"AHA!" The few people that were looking at cars looked up at me. "What? I found the perfect car." I said in the 'duh' tone. A sales man came over.

"I see you are looking at the Aston Martin DB7 Vantage Volante. One of my personal favorites of the Aston Martin collection." I was glad that I didn't have the hyper one. He scared me.

"Yes. I would like to buy this one." I said pulling out my checkbook.

"Let's go into my office." I followed him into his office. It was nice and cozy. I plopped down into a chair, and wrote the check. I filled out the papers for the trade and everything.

"Here you go!" I yelled, he held out the key for me and I went to the car. I hopped in and drove away.

37 minutes later

I hopped out of the car and ran inside. I sat down on the couch and turned on the tv. I saw out of the corner of my eye Rosalie go to the garage. I turned my attention back to the tv. I heard a scream and saw a white and blond figure come flying in. "WHERE IS MY M3?!" She screamed. Everyone came to see the commotion.

"What?" Alice asked.

"It's missing. My M3. And I want to know where it is!" She said in a deadly calm voice.

"Shouldn't it be in garage?" Jasper asked. His hair was finally back to blond.

"It should be, but it's not."

"I know where it's at..." I said.

"WHERE??" She scretched.

"At the dealer ship..."

"WHAT!? WHY??"

" I got you a new car."

"I don't want new car. I want my baby!" She yelled. She was pissed.

"Don't you even want to see the new one?"

"NO! Now go and get my car!" I grumbled out the door. I noticed Esme was right beside me.

"I'll see the new car Emmett." I laughed, and went to show her, her new car, and then I went to go and get the M3 back.

**I am sorry to say that this may be the end. I finished everyone in the family...So, I guess the end. Please go and review. **

**CassieRae**


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